Trip Report: Shortoff Mountain Mega Milage

1 chalk bag, 2 guide books, 3 pairs of shoes, 6 liters of water, 8 hours, 10 energy gels, 11 routes, 40 full-length pitches, 4500 feet of vertical, and one hell of a kick-ass iPod playlist. It’s definitely not your normal 9-5 sort of day, but it was one hell of a way to polish off my weekend!

The Approach:
I’m a wuss. It was a bit cold, so I slept in through my alarm and didn’t get up till 7:30 AM, but that was better for keeping the fingers warm anyway! I still was at the cliff-top by 8:30 to setup my stash of water, food, and shoes. I clipped my shoes onto my chalk bag with a biner and headed down the descent for my first route at 9AM

Little Corner (5.6) 500’
I slipped my climbing shoes on and clipped my boots onto my chalk-bag belt, game on! This was the perfect little warm-up jog, cardiovascular and sheltered from the wind! I’ve still never roped up on this route, so my gear beta might not be entirely accurate. Sorry Scott! After this climb, it was still a bit chillier than I’d have liked, so I opted to VETO my hardest onsight “Paradise Lost” (5.11d) and move straight to the next climb.

Onsight Attempt – Supercrack (5.11d) and White Russians Gone Bananas (5.11a) 100ft
I didn’t climb either of these in their entirety, I started off with my attempt to onsight Supercrack, and the climbing was astoundingly good quality. Solid, incut holds with intricate = technical sequences greeted my fingers up about 30ft of solid, locker maneuvering. I knew from talking to locals that the crux was a boulder problem low to the ground, and that the climbing above was far far easier in the upper reaches. As soon as you reached the hand-crack, it would be over. I pulled through some tough boulder moves and reached up into a finger crack. With only one move separating me from the locker hand-jamming above, I thought to myself “I’ve probably got this!”

And that’s when I down-climbed back to earth. Probably isn’t good enough, 90% isn’t good enough, 99% certainty is a failure rating. I will not solo anything if I am anything less than 100% certain that I can solo the route on-command when the feeling is right. I don’t like folks who say “I’ll just solo it this one time”, that’s sketchy. Only committing to the one act sounds a lot like you’re getting away with something, like you’re relying on luck to carry the day and that WILL catch up to you. More than likely it’ll catch up to you sooner than later. Climbing like that you’d be lucky to survive even a mere handful of solos, and that sort of risk is utterly unacceptable. Sure, there are climbs I’ve soloed only once, and there are climbs that I probably won’t solo again. By and large it’s because I’m satisfied with them. Each solo is a unique experience, so there is no need to constantly grasp for more. Even though I know I could solo certain climbs again…. I just don’t feel any strong desire to, I have my memory of peace and I’m happy with my relationship with that route as it stands. Why go for more? I always have the option to change my mind, but it’s all about whatever seems fun in the moment. If it doesn’t seem fun, that’s not what rock climbing is about and I’ll have no part in it!

So, I backed off of both White Russians Gone Bananas, and Supercrack, but I still clocked about 100ft of total climbing between the two of them.
–Running total: 600 feet–

Onsight – Early Times (5.9) 350’
Well, after backing off of two routes and finding my feet planted on the floor again, I needed a way up to the top and opted to romp my way up an easy onsight of “Early Times.” A wonky first section gave way to easier climbing and a sea of lichen all the way to the top. Chill, locker, fun swimming through massive jugs! Highly recommended! Recon: I was familiar with this section of the wall through climbing neighboring routes, so at least I had an idea of what sort of climbing to expect.
–11:10 AM – Running total: 950 feet – 2 complete routes–

Full-Tilt Wizard (5.11b) 300’
Turns out I’ve never actually climbed “Pinball Wizard” in its entirety. A stop by Unique Outfitters allowed me to flip through Fernando’s copy of the old guidebook for the area and snap some photos of critical pages… The beta for this route in the latest book is confusing (to say the least), but in the old book it’s plain to see. What I’ve actually climbed was a link-up of the first crux on “Full-Tilt Boogie” into the pump-finish on “Pinball Wizard”. The route is still quite 5.11, and still fun as hell! Recon: I’ve climbed this once on a rope, and soloed it twice.
–Running total: 1250 feet – 3 complete routes–

Soloing through the horizontals on the finish of "Pinball Wizard" (5.11)
Soloing through the horizontals on the finish of “Pinball Wizard” (5.11) Photo Credit: Andy Toms – Tom Tom Photography

 

Help Mr. Wizard (5.11a) 450’
The crux is mellow, but it just doesn’t let off the pump! An invisible thank-god jug leads to balancey technical pinches and awkward hand-jams for a 40 foot pump fest, and a mellow lichen infested romp to the summit, eventually joining the end of Maginot Line’s final pitch. At this point, I was finally starting to feel a little bit of fatigue, and opted to skip out of another onsight “Stopperhead Arête” (5.10+) to save my efforts on climbs that were a sure thing. Recon: I top-roped the first pitch a month ago, and soloed the entire line on the day before my mojo-mission
–12:46 PM – Running total: 1700 feet – 4 complete routes–

Julia (5.10b) 500’
Only 30 feet from Little Corner on average, but follows an independent line with an absolutely wild feel! Looking at the feet leaves one in a state of utter disbelief, but the secret is pasting your feet and remembering that you know how to rock climb. Once those toes are in place, you’re on! Now just perform a few barrel rolls while weaving in and out of the flakes and you’ll find yourself high and exposed with your ass to the wind! I’ve now climbed enough rock to equate Half-Dome. Recon: I’ve never roped up on “Julia”, and onsight-soloed the route back in the spring. Knowing that it was so close to “Little Corner” was helpful, because I didn’t have to worry about down-climbing the entire route since I could escape on the easier 5.6 corner system if I got pissed off.
— Running total: 2200 feet – 5 complete routes–

Soloing "Julia" (5.10b) next to Scott Cox and Michael Stichter
Soloing “Julia” (5.10b) next to Scott Cox and Michael Stichter. Photo Credit: Michael Stichter

Built To Tilt (5.10b) 300’
What a ride! You know that boulder problem they have in every gym? The one where you climb out a dead-on horizontal roof with the biggest jugs in the world and turn the lip on even bigger jugs? And it’s only V1? Copy and paste that 300 feet off the ground and that’s what it’s like climbing “Built to Tilt”

This was the scariest moment of the whole day. As soon as I was fully established in the roof, I felt something shift. I looked around and my fears were confirmed, my phone had slipped out of my pocket, and was currently hanging from its headphone jack! Calmly, slowly, I reached down with a spare hand, and reeled it back in gently before sneaking it into a butt-pocket and continuing on to the top. Gotta love them butt-pockets! Recon: I onsighted the route on lead, and came back to solo it later. Knowing how solid the climbing felt made it a clear addition to my list.
–2:01 PM – Running total: 2500 feet – 6 complete routes–

Onsight – Straight and Narrow (5.10a) 350’
With “Built to Tilt” out of the way, I was finished with the most intimidating climbing and opted to slip out of my TC Pros and into my Mythos for comfort. Romping up blocky 5.5 terrain for a hundred feet brings you to the business. The last 200 feet of climbing are fairly sustained very steep technical climbing consisting of thin edges and awkward jams with off-balance foot positions that invite one to dance up the wall in a ballet like flow. It’s beautiful, and engaging. Recon: I’ve asked a lot of folks how fun this route was, and stared at it from stances on “Help Mr. Wizard” there were no tales of weird or hard moves, so onsighting felt like a reasonable choice given my current level of climbing.
–Running total: 2850 feet – 7 complete routes–

Dopey Duck (5.9) 350’
This is one of the most fun climbs on earth, if I ever get bored of it I should probably just stop climbing altogether! This is where the bicep cramps set in, and I slammed back an extra gel-shot and a liter of water to combat the fatigue as soon as I got back to my stash. At this point I’ve climbed enough vertical to equal The Nose on El Capitan. Recon: Dopey duck is another route that I’ve never roped up on, having onsight-soloed the route in the spring I knew that it would only feel easier now that I knew where the line goes!
–3:29 PM – Running total: 3200 feet – 8 complete routes–

Getting funky on "Dopey Duck" (5.9)
Getting funky on “Dopey Duck” (5.9) Photo Credit: Lohan Lizin

Paradise Alley (5.8+) 450’
I ran down the descent gulley looking to onsight a 5.9 called “Lost and Found”, but in a moment of delicious irony I was unable to find the start of the route! Rather than let this slow me down, I continued down the cliff to “Paradise Alley” intent on finishing the last route on my list which actually required biceps to climb. According to plan, the extra energy and electrolytes had hit my system and the climbing went smoothly without any cramps. Recon: This was the first route I ever climbed at Shortoff, or indeed in Linville Gorge. As I followed behind Julia Watson up the route the whole time I was thinking of how fun it would be to solo!
–Running total: 3650 feet – 9 complete routes–

Toxic Shock (5.9) 350’
Conscious of the toll on my body from the days efforts, I decided to aim for the corner system of “Cascading Colluvial Kaleidoscope” (5.8), and after 50 feet of climbing I caught a serious case of the fuckits and climbed back down to the ground. I just didn’t feel like onsighting a damn thing at this point, so I walked over to “Toxic Shock.” But heck, at least it was another 100 feet climbed! 50 up, and 50 down. One pitch of technical balencey 5.9 led to a 5.6 romp to the top in a secure corner. This one was good for the body, as it required mostly technique instead of muscle. Climbing was almost starting to suck, and even though I was far from my goal I could feel it was nearly time to end the day. Recon: I onsight-soloed the route on a trip to Shortoff, having discovered that “Dopey Duck” was occupied by another party I opted for this alternate finish to the top.
–5:00PM – Running total: 4100 feet – 10 complete routes–

Maginot Line (5.7+) 400’
Despite the increasing fatigue, and a growing case of “The Fuckits” I felt like one more climb would be just right. Lucky for me, I had saved one of the most spectacular and least physical routes for last. “Maginot Line” works up an utterly MASSIVE and steep corner system for 400 feet leading to a dramatically exposed finish. This might be the slowest I’ve ever climbed, and I hit the top just as climbing stopped sounding like a fun idea. The Fuckits had finally caught up with me, and it was time for that beer I’d been thinking about all day! Recon: I onsight soloed the line back in the spring, and had played on it a few times since, the climbing was always secure with good no-hands rests sprinkled on the way up so I knew it was a good way to finish the day as I grew tired.
–5:51 PM – Final Total: 4500 feet – 11 complete routes–

Final Thoughts:
First: “dude, cardio is HARD!!!” Mad props to anyone who does that whole “running” thing on a regular basis, especially Jeremy “motherfuckin” Carson. Without his advice on nutrition and how to keep myself energized, this day would have been significantly less epic.

Second: Okay, so I didn’t make the mile. I came up about 780 feet short. I’m not really planning to come back and try again. At this point I’ve got a big grin plastered all over my face and had one of the most fun days of climbing of my life. Who can complain about that? Sure, part of it was Type 2 fun, but overall I am completely satisfied with the experience. This won’t be my last mega mileage day, but for now it’s enough for me!

Full exposure on the mega-classic "Dopey Duck" (5.9)
Full exposure on the mega-classic “Dopey Duck” (5.9) Photo Credit: Lohan Lizin
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2 thoughts on “Trip Report: Shortoff Mountain Mega Milage”

  1. AWESOME and very well written! I do LOVE the fact you were able to back off due to not feeling it 100 percent on a couple of routes! I really do not agree with soloing BUT of ALL the soloists I have ever met – AT LEAST you do not let GOALS or ADRENALINE be the deciding factor OF WHAT to do! AND Scott and Michael had an AWESOME time as well!

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